Funny Quotes

You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colin." Need I say more?

Well, don't expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear.

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.

The planet is fine. The people are fucked.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.

I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

What the hell is that?" I laughed.
"It's my fox hat."
"Your fox hat?"
"Yeah, Pudge. My fox hat."
"Why are you wearing your fox hat?" I asked.
"Because no one can catch the motherfucking fox.

It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.

Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.

They love their hair because they're not smart enough to love something more interesting.

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.

Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.

It's not because I want to make out with her."
Hold on." He grabbed a pencil and scrawled excitedly at the paper as if he'd just made a mathematical breakthrough and then looked back up at me. "I just did some calculations, and I've been able to determine that you're full of shit